|| DULUTH ||
[click HERE for Superior bars]
Ace's on First
113 W. First St. | 218.722.2905
I like to play a game when I'm at Aces where I try to figure out who the bigger douchebags are: the people who drink there or the people who work there. All I know is that if you feel the need to habitually step inside this place, there's something wrong with you.
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Afterburner Lounge
4701 Grinden Drive | 218.727.1152 | View Web site
Though there is a miniscule chance of a planeload of California girls storming this place, located at the Duluth International Airport, the price of whiskey is so high that you might as well drink jet fuel.
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Alpine Bar & Lounge
1308 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.9979
The Alpine is the westernmost bar in Duluth. It's called the "alpine" because it is the peak of the city's drinking mountain. If you are an amateur drinker, you can start at the Alpine and descend toward to the east. If you are a pro, you start at the Reef, climb (or crawl) your way to the Alpine, then fall off the edge of the city into Oliver or the township of your choice.
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American Legion Post 71
5814 Grand Ave. | 218.628.1495
A great and cheap place to drink if you are old and patriotic, or if you appreciate those who fit that description.
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Applebee's Neighborhood Grill & Bar
Miller Hill Mall | 218.723.1253 | www.applebees.com
One of the biggest misnomers in the Twin Ports bar scene, this "neighborhood" bar is located nowhere near anyone's neighborhood. Drinking there requires drinking with people who drink at the mall.
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Baja Billy's Cantina & Grill
600 E. Superior St. | 218.740.2300 | www.bajabillys.com
A pretty average Mexican restaurant with pretty average drink specials and a really spectacular view from its deck overlooking Lake Superior.
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Beaner's Central
324 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.5957 | www.beanerscentral.com
This West Duluth coffee shop is a very safe and friendly place for teenagers, as well as adults who don't mind hanging around with teenagers. Although beer and wine are available at Beaner's, patrons generally do not consume them in abundance. There is live music pretty much nightly, but there's seldom any dancing or other revelry. In short, the only thing to dislike about Beaner's is the lack of debauchery. Maybe you should go there and change that.
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Bedrock Bar
2023 W. Superior St. | 218.720.4755
Yabba-dabba dumb.
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Bellisio's
405 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.4921 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
It's worth selling everything you own and living on the street just to get drunk at Bellisio's. And believe me, you'll have to. The wine menu is extensive and pricey, but so is life. In Duluth, "Bellisio's" is the number one response to anyone who says, "Where should we go? I'm buying." If you go by yourself, and wisely try to glom onto a stranger's tab, I recommend drinking quickly and getting out before that person asks for the bill. Believe me, your scam will not go unnoticed.
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Bergey's
2232 W. Superior St. | 218.722.5879
When the former Terry's Place became Bergey's, its focus was refined, putting more emphasis on cheap beer and less on NASCAR. I for one am grateful for that. I am also grateful for the guy in the corner with the "I (heart) hot moms" T-shirt. I am also grateful that he is slow dancing with a Coors Light promotional life-size cutout of Teresa Moore.
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Black Woods Grill and Bar
2525 London Road | 218.724.1612 | www.blackwoodsrestaurants.com
If you can't say anything nice about Black Woods, don't go there. That's my motto.
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Blue Crab Bar
1909 W. Superior St. | 218.724.4047
The former Midway Bar is now the Blue Crab Bar. The beer is still cheap and the place is still empty. I love it, and I'm not sure why you don't.
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Burrito Union
1332 E. Fourth St. | 218.728.4414
This new commie burrito joint has the same fucken-ay good beer the Fitger's Brewhouse has. The burritos are supposedly good, too, but when you're drunk, any burrito is good.
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Carmody Irish Pub
308 E. Superior St. | 218.740.4747 | www.carmody.aerialcorporations.com
This new Irish pub, located in the former Lester River Fly Shop, draws a nice mix of people. The booze is priced just high enough to keep assholes like me from ruining the place.
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Chinese Garden
231 E. Superior St. | 218.723.1866
Enjoy a lovely carafe of burgundy for $9.95. The Chinese Garden has no beer and no liquor, only wine.
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Clubhouse Sports Bar
132 N. 34th Ave. W.
Formerly known as Mary's Place, until a change in ownership in the summer of 2005, this bar has now been transformed into something the neighborhood sorely needed -- a sports bar. The other three West Duluth sports bars didn't quite have the market cornered yet. In fact, there seems to be a shortage of sports bars nationwide; I'll bet there are less than 300 trillion of them. The Clubhouse is connected to Stadium Lanes bowling alley, for what it's worth.
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Club Saratoga
331 Canal Park Drive | 218.722.5577
Nothing against the nude dancers that take the stage seven nights a week at the 'Toga, but I have to say the jazz quartet that plays every Saturday afternoon is much hotter. Even hotter yet is the diorama on the back wall, which features a bunch of squirrels playing pool and getting drunk.
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Congress Bar & Grill
1334 Commonwealth Ave.
The Congress was sold recently to its neighbor, Puglisi Gun Emporium. All of the booze has been replaced with guns. I have no complaints.
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Copasetic Lounge
322 E. Central Entrance | 218.727.2664
The one thing the "Copathetic" has going for it is that there's a Taco John's next door.
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Country Lanes North
2327 Mountain Shadow Drive | 218.722.1741
"Oh, you'd like a bottle of Miller Lite? That will be $3.10. Now go talk about snowmobiles."
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Curly's Bar
2013 Grand Ave. | Unlisted
If you go to Curly's, the odds are pretty good that you'll wake up the next morning with a false tooth lodged in your peehole. As far as adventure goes, it offers far more than almost any other bar in the area. The proximity to Yoshiko’s Sauna is another plus.
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Dubhlinn Pub & Billiards
109 W. Superior St. | 218.727.1559 | www.dubhlinnpub.com
The Snyder's Superstop has booze now! Closed on Sundays.
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Duluth Athletic Club Bar & Grill
21 N. Fourth Ave. W.
Some dipshit jammed too much toilet paper into the crapper and the resulting flood closed this popular restaurant/bar for good.
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Duluth Athletic Club Deli
11 E. Superior St. | 727.3030
This spinoff of the Duluth Athletic Club Bar & Grill is in the Duluth Technology Village, in the site of the old Nutty Meg's. Walking by and looking in the window has never made me want to enter.
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Duluth Curling Club
327 Harbor Drive | 218.727.1851 | www.duluthcurlingclub.org
Curling is as much of a spectator sport as drinking. Sure, it's a good time to sit around making fun of others, but losing your inhibitions and getting into the game is where it's at. Only then can you truly become the fucken mongoloid third McKenzie brother you know you've always wanted to be.
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Enger Park Golf Course Clubhouse
1801 West Skyline Boulevard | 723.3451 | www.golfinduluth.com/enger
No matter how many times you try to explain to the bartenders here that golf tees are redeemable for free drinks, they just won't listen. But they won't tell you to shut the fuck up with your bullshit either. They just stand there and tolerate you. And that just isn't right.
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Fifth Avenue West
Fifth Ave. W. & Superior St. | Unlisted
Drinking at Fifth Avenue West, on the ground level of the Radisson Hotel, is like getting drunk in a hospital cafeteria. It's almost worse than going to Black Woods.
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Fitger's Brewhouse
600 E. Superior St. | 218.726.1392 | www.brewhouse.net
The glorious handcrafted beer at the Brewhouse is overpriced six days of the week. On Thursdays, however, pitcher prices drop a little. There is live music most every other night, with no cover charge, but whenever the beer pitchers are over $10 you're better off drinking at home. Leave the Brewhouse to the tourists from Friday to Wednesday.
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Fond-du-Luth Casino
129 E. Superior St. | 218.722.0280
If you get drunk enough at the Fondle-youth Casino, you might decide to order some of the delicious food. My favorite menu items are the Jalapeño Wrap Dog and the Meatball Baguette. Fortunately, I didn't have to eat either of them to know they're my favorites.
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Gopher Restaurant & Lounge
402 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.9793
The somewhat new "Gopher Hole," a second bar in the basement, is an excellent bonus for people who feel like leaving the Gopher, but don't actually want to go anywhere.
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Grandma's Grand Avenue Cafe
4602 Grand Ave. | 218.628.7010 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
The standard Grandma's scene is quite a bit more tolerable at the West Duluth location, where the drinks are half price during happy hour. The trick is remembering that happy hour is from 3 to 6 p.m. and 9 to 11 p.m., except on Thursday, when it's "all night." For some reason, however, "all night" is from 3 to 11 p.m.
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Grandma's Saloon & Grill
522 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.4192 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
The last time I was at Grandma's, my pint of Bass Ale cost me $5.05. You'll notice I wrote "last" and not "most recent." By the way, guys, when you're at the urinal, don't look up. There is sort of a funhouse mirrors effect going on in the Grandma's restroom. If you look straight ahead, you'll be staring directly into the face of the dude pissing next to you. And whatever you do, don't look at the mirror to your right. You don't even want to know what you'll see in that one.
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Grandma's Saloon & Grill - Miller Hill
2202 Maple Grove Road | 218.722.9313 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
This is the noisiest bar in the world, not due to music or conversations, but due to the bartender washing the dishes for what seems like the whole restaurant. If you don't believe me, go and hear for yourself. Closes at midnight.
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Grandma's Sports Garden
425 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722.4724 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
This giant club was built for tourists and college students who put in serious-but-futile "mirror time" before going out. Kamikaze pitchers are cheap here, so I'm told. I've never had to buy one; a drunk patron (usually wearing a cowboy hat or a visor or some other dumbass MTV fashion) always sticks a plastic cup in my hand and starts pouring.
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Green Mill Restaurant
340 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.7000 | www.greenmill.com
While nothing ever happens at the Green Mill, the bar section acts like a shark cage, keeping people like us safe from Canal Park shoppers and families.
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Grizzly's Grill 'N' Saloon
1722 Miller Trunk Highway | 218.722.9231 | www.grizzlysgrill.com
My friend Adams was accused of a crime he didn't commit. So, he escaped to the Miller Hill, leaving behind the only life that he ever knew. Now, that mall area ain't no place for a drinker. His chances of surviving were mighty slim.
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Ground Round Restaurant
2102 Maple Grove Road | 218.723.1776 | www.groundround.com
See Grizzly's, Applebees, et . al.
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Hacienda del Sol
319 E. Superior St. | 218.722.7296
The Hoss is home to the best margaritas in Duluth. Of course saying "best margaritas in Duluth" is sort of like saying "best fellatio in the Rainbow Senior Center," but you get my point. In the summer, the courtyard in back is a great place to eat your heavily cheesed meal and get loaded. Watch out for the wasps, however. Upstairs you'll find the recently completed addition, which may have been the longest construction project in the history of Duluth.
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Hell's Kitchen
310 Lake Ave. S. | 218.727.1620 | www.hellskitcheninc.com
Next in the Pizza Luce trend of weirdo Twin Cities restaurants opening a location in Duluth is Hell's Kitchen. It has a full bar, so I have no choice but to approve.
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Horseshoe Billiards
2415 W. Superior St. | 218.727.5144
There are a lot of men here wearing jerseys though they obviously don’t play sports. There are a lot of women here who are either pregnant or about to become pregnant.
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India Palace
319 W. Superior St. | 218.727.8767
Here is where you can have a quiet and contemplative glass of wine with some of the area's finest food. It's my favorite place for what I call "drinking foreplay."
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Jade Fountain
305 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.3517
This Chinese restaurant in West Duluth is an excellent diving board. And there's cable TV. And there's usually not many people there, so you can work the remote, unless there's a Twins game on.
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Kegler's Bar & Grill
601 W. Superior St. | 218.722.0671 | www.keglersbanquets.com
Kegler's is supposedly closing soon to renovate. The plan is to reopen in July as the Spot Sports Bar and Grill. I got sick of making jokes about the proliferation of sports bars long ago.
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Kom-on-Inn
332 N. 57th Ave. W. | 218.624.3385
Despite being one of the area's more attractive bars on the inside, the Kom-on-Inn looks like some kind of 1960s-era real-estate sales office on the outside, which may be why it attracts a crowd of regulars that make me feel like I should always have one eye looking over my shoulder. My other eye, however, is delighted by Art Fleming's oil paintings of West Duluth factories circa 1950. Closed on Sundays.
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Kozy Bar
129 E. First St. | 218.722.2442 | www.kozybar.clearwire.net
If your idea of cozy is snuggling up next to a career alcoholic who smells like a urinal, and sipping soapy beer while listening to the Eagles, then I guess this bar is deserving of its name.
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Lake Avenue Cafe
394 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722.2355
One of Duluth's simplest and most delicious restaurants also has a few good beers and wines to choose from. Guys who go there to eat sometimes get the impression they should stay and drink Bass Ale after Bass Ale until one of the pretty waitresses in the black dresses offers to drive them home. Those who try this are disappointed.
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Lido
600 E. Superior St.
To no one's surprise, this silly gimmick in the basement of the Fitger's Brewery Complex closed within months of opening.
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Little Angie's Cantina & Grill
11 E. Buchanan St. | 218.727.6117 | www.grandmasrestaurants.com
Normally I'm all for drinking outside on a deck, and I think that every bar should have one. However, while Little Angie's has the biggest deck in the area, who would want to be seen drinking at Little Angie's?
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Midi Restaurant
600 E. Superior St. | 218.727.4880 | www.midirestaurant.net
This Mediterranean restaurant recently opened in the space formerly occupied by Bennett's on the Lake. I can't wait to tell you all about it.
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Mr. D's Bar & Grill
5622 Grand Ave. | 218.624.4178
A gigantic bar in size if nothing else, Mr. D's (or "D's" as its regulars affectionately call it) is preferred by Skoal-chewin' roofers and big-haired cosmetologists. Listen to the sound system for songs by Mr. Big, Bad English, Tesla and other forgetables. On the weekend, listen to local bands covering the likes of Poison and Ozzy.
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Mitch's Bar & Grill
2113 W. Superior St. | 218.727.4833
I've never seen so much Brylcreem in all my life. Someone please tell these old dudes that a LITTLE dab will do them.
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Moldeez
1426 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.3398
The old Max Limit Bar (known more commonly as "The Limit") is under new ownership and has been remodeled. The story I heard is that the Limit's old sheetrock was torn out during the remodeling and a lot of mold was found behind it, so the new owners decided to call the place "Moldeez." Nice.
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NorShor Experience
211 E. Superior St. | Something resembling a Web site
The mezzanine of the historic NorShor Theater is now a strip club. You should go check out the chick that is so skeletal you'll want to tip her with a couple of Hot Pockets. Seriously, you won’t know where the pole ends and she begins. It should also be noted that there's a dress code prohibiting jerseys at the NorShor, which is nice because if there's a Packer fan in the room you don't have to know about it. Hours are 8 p.m. to 2 a.m., Monday through Saturday.
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North Pole Bar
5606 Raleigh St. | 218.624.9623
I love the North Pole. If you can manage not to drown in the sea of lotto fliers, it's a great place to tip back a huge mug of Grain Belt and even enjoy a burger from the neighboring Ray's Grill, if you're into that whole solid-food scene. Or, try a shot of Pelinkovac. According to one bartender, it "cures what ails you -- hiccups, A.I.D.S., whatever."
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O'Gilby's
511 E. Fourth St.
O'Gilby's closed this past spring
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Old Chicago
327 S. Lake Ave. | 218.720.2966 | www.oldchicago.com
You know how when you're watching TV and suddenly an ad comes on screaming at you to BUY! BUY! BUY? That's exactly what the loud, flashy Old Chicago is like, which is the main reason to avoid the place even though there are dozens of overpriced beers to choose from. The last time I ended up there, an old lady at a table near mine removed her hearing aid, set it on the table and said, "I guess I don't need this here."
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Olive Garden
901 Mall Drive | 218.727.2623 | www.olivegarden.com
Get in line for bullshit.
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Oly's Pub
323 W. First St.
A group of investors has cleaned up the former Pioneer Bar. As expected, the drinks are weaker now.
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Orpheum Nightclub
10 N. Second Ave. E. | 218.726.0648 | www.orpheumnightclub.com
This big, empty dance club usually features about three people on the floor swaying around like it's their job to convince other people to boogie. A nice effort has been made to clean up the place, which is part of the historic and often rundown NorShor Theater, but there are two major strikes against it. First of all, it's a giant techno dance club, which is cheesy to begin with. To top that off, patrons have to pass through the strip club upstairs to use a toilet.
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Pickwick
508 E. Superior St. | 218.727.8901 | www.pickwickrestaurant.com
Some people save their money to buy a nice car or a house. I save mine for splurges at the Pickwick, where the drinks are so good and the atmosphere is so comfortable that I always find the idea of leaving to be ridiculous. It's expensive, but as far as investments go, there's no better choice than top-shelf liquors blended by seasoned mixologists, followed by a big slab of perfectly prepared meat.
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Pizza Luce
11 E. Superior St. | 218.727.7400 | www.pizzaluce.com
This live music venue for hipsters stands on the former site of the Wabasha Adult Bookstore. And while it's true that a different type of seedy character inhabits the place these days, don't worry -- the public masturbation that occurs there is purely metaphorical.
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Player's Sports Bar
4024 Grand Ave. | 218.624.7974
This is the favorite bar of guys who talk really loud about their balls. Usually, the bartender is the only female in the place, but occasionally a young woman comes through to sell roses and doubles the count. By the way, when you get drunk at Player's, don't try to wander up onto the deck on the roof; it belongs to the upstairs apartment, not the bar.
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Red Lion Lounge
220 E. Superior St.
John's Red Lion is now out of business. The building has been sold and will be converted into a movie house.
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Red Star Lounge
600 E. Superior St. | 218.723.7827 | www.redstarclub.us
From the folks that brought you the Fitger's Brewhouse comes a funky little martini bar that scores big points for atmosphere, but charges a quarter-of-a-million dollars per drink.
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Reef Bar
2002 London Road | 218.724.9845
Located in the same building as the Labor Temple, the Queef is a popular watering hole for local union members. Decent live music occurs somewhat regularly, and two chicks got into an awesome fight during my most recent visit.
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Round-up Bar & Grill
415 E. Fourth St. | 218.727.1454
This is the place to go when the need for low-rent karaoke strikes you. While the karaoke is predominantly rock, the bar itself is country western. The juke is stacked with the good stuff and the walls are lined with autographed photos of stars the likes of Roy Clark, Kitty Wells, Charley Pride and "Little" Jimmy Dickens. May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
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R.T. Quinlan's Saloon
220 W. Superior St., Duluth | Unlisted
Located just steps from both the DTA Transit Center and the Holiday Inn, this basement bar seems to attract patrons from neither of those locations. Instead, it has its troupe of loyal regulars, all of whom are scuzzy and weird, but in a good way. It used to be the smokiest bar in Duluth, until the cigarette ban was passed.
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Rustic Bar
401 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.7463
The Rustic is the home of Duluth's happiest happy hour. The 34-oz. mugs of beer are the best value in West Duluth, and, you can order Sammy's Pizza through a sliding window with the money you save.
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Sammy's Pizza-Downtown
103 W. First St. | 218.727.8551
The downtown Sammy's used to be a great place from which to scout out the Duluth Liquor store. You could order yourself a tasty pie and a pitcher of the yellow stuff, then sit in the east corner by the window and watch your buddies do their shopping. Since the Duluth Liquor store closed, the Sammy's experience has lost its charm for me.
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Sammy's Pizza-West Duluth
403 N. Central Ave.| 218.624.4031
There's a window to the Rustic Bar from Sammy's, so you can drink the cheaper booze at the 'Tic while still enjoying Sammy's Pizza. I recommend this.
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Sheraton Hotel Duluth
301 E. Superior St. | 218.733.5660 | View Web site
This recently opened hotel has a little bar in its lobby, if you like drinking with that new carpet smell.
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Shotz Bar
1321 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.1860
Shotz claims to serve "the coldest beer in town." I have not tested this scientifically, but I accept it as fact. Enjoy the biker photos, the karaoke, the courtyard -- Shotz has it all.
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Sir Benedict's Tavern on the Lake
805 E. Superior St. | 218.728.1192
This is the best bar in town for playing cribbage with your friends -- if you're into that namby-pamby kind of bullshit. The good stuff is on tap for $4.25 a pint, but late-night happy hour (after 10 p.m.) cuts that price to $2.50.
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Sneaker's Sports Bar & Grill
Holiday Center | 218.727.7494
Check out the beer bucket special during Monday Night Football. Five bottles for five bucks. Do you hear what I'm saying? Five bottles for five bucks!
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Tanski's Ridgeview Lanes
3930 E. Calvary Rd. | 218.728.3614
Bowling is always better on the outskirts of town. Cheaper too.
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Tap Room
21 N. Fourth Ave. W. | www.thetaproom.com
The Tap Room -- best known for its former location, the basement of the Fitger's Brewery Complex -- was forced to relocate in early 2007 when its lease was terminated. After almost a year in the space formerly occupied by 21 North, the place went belly up.
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Tappa Keg Inn
7036 Grand Ave. | 218.624.9881
This joint wins the award for Place That Looks Most Like a Bar, Even Though It's Not a Bar. There is a bar at the Tappa Keg, but no liquor to go with it. It's a beer-serving restaurant in the shape of a bar. Still, it has a lot going for it. It's old, it has a great name and it's located across from the zoo. The kitchen closes around 11 p.m.; the "bar" closes around midnight.
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Taste of Saigon
394 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.1598
A whopping three yellow beers to choose from at this Vietnamese restaurant, nestled among the trinket shops of the Dewitt-Seitz Marketplace. And that's all you really need to wash down your Moo Goo Gai Pan. As far as a good drinking experience goes, not only do you have to leave Taste of Saigon to find it, you have to leave Canal Park altogether.
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T-Bonz Bar & Restaurant
2531 W. Superior St. | 218.727.9582
T-Bonz has some of the best bar food in town. It also has Cindy. I swear to God that broad can serve a room of 50 by herself. Interesting side note: The ladies room has two toilets in a single stall. The woman who told me this referred to it as a "two-holer."
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Timber Lodge Steak House
325 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722-2624 | www.timberlodgesteakhouse.com
It's surprising how good and cheap the drink specials are here during happy hour. It's also surprising how awful the music is. You've got a nice pint and a steak in front of you, and you're listening to Celine Dion. Go figure. Other than that, it's pretty nice, though.
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Top of the Harbor
505 W. Superior St. | 218.727.8981
I can't tell you anything about the food, but the view of Duluth is nice at this rotating restaurant on the top floor of the Radisson Hotel, and they have beer and wine. You should be able to knock down a bottle of the red stuff in about the same time it takes to do a complete 360 on the human turntable, and I recommend doing just that.
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Twins Bar
501 E. Fourth St. | 218.727.3871
Everything will seem normal at the Twins, until that 35-year-old guy comes up to you and says, "So, where's the party tonight?"
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V.F.W. Post 6320 (Fox-Sutherland Post)
5103 Ramsey St. | 218.628.3202
My most recent visit to the West Duluth V.F.W. was during Uncle Rico's Karaoke. A woman was quietly and unenthusiastically singing "The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun," while about eight people at the bar quietly and unenthusiastically sang along with her. Another woman poured Cheese Puffs from a bag into a little plastic bowl and brought them to me. My glass of Old Style from the tap cost $1. Four stars.
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Wade Municipal Stadium
132 N. 35th Ave. W. | Unlisted
If you're going to a Duluth Huskies baseball game, you need to know that they stop serving beer after the seventh inning. So, buy what you need in advance. Also, be prepared to be constantly annoyed by the fading in and out of songs between almost every pitch. Apparently, whoever is in charge of the sound system feels that somehow it makes the game more exciting if the crowd can hear 13 seconds of Guns 'n' Roses every inning.
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|| SUPERIOR ||
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Anchor Bar
413 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9747 | View Web site
After spending a night at most bars, you end up smelling like an ashtray. After spending a night at the Anchor, you end up smelling like a grease trap. Expect to be amazed at how cheap and good the food and beer is. Expect to be insulted by the bartender. And expect to like it. Limit 105 persons.
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Androy Hotel Lounge
1213 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7731
If walking a few blocks from your favorite bar to Papa Don's is too much for you, try the Androy Hotel Lounge. The karaoke is always awful, and when they throw you out after last call, you land right in front of the door to an all-night restaurant. Sweet.
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Applebee's Neighborhood Grill & Bar
3605 Tower Ave. | 715.395.8460 | www.applebees.com
I will never ever, ever, ever get over the fact that Applebee's will not accept tribal I.D.'s. Remember the 56-year-old American Indian who was refused service there a few years ago? I do. I will never forget that as I drive past Applebee's on my way to a bar with a little respect for human dignity.
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Belknap Tavern on the Plaza
130 Belknap St. | 715.394.3616
Boring, yet not as annoying as you'd expect a strip-mall liquor store/bar to be, the Belknap Lounge is a fine place for conversation, billiards and microwave popcorn huffing. Seriously: when they pull that stink-bomb bag of popcorn out of the nuke-box, I'm tempted to fart as a self-defense mechanism. On a separate note: I have often wondered what is behind the door labeled "Malone," but have yet to find it unlocked.
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Bev's Jook Joint
820 Tower Ave. | 715.392.3580
Bev's is returning to its former splendor, which means live music and dykes, dykes, dykes. That's four reasons why I like the place.
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The Boathouse Restaurant
14 Marina Dr. | 715.399.0076 | View Web site
Get yourself a bottle of Capcanes 2002 Mas Donis Barrica. The Boathouse's wine menu steals a quote from Wine Advocate magazine about this Spanish wine, describing how "a dense purple color gives up scents of creosote, blackberries, kirsch liqueur, new saddle leather and meat." Mmm-mmm.
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Builder's Saloon
619 Tower Ave. | 715.395.2222
If you're a pervert like me, Builder's, which is attached to Stargate, is the place to unsober yourself until you're courageous enough to head next door and get thrown out. Again.
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Capri Bar
1224 Tower Ave. | 715.395.1908
The Capri has always had pool, foosball and ping pong -- in addition to its cheap beer and free peanuts -- but now, oh momma, now they have a bocce parlor in the basement. Limit 184 persons.
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Cedar Lounge
1715 N. Third St. | 715.394.7391
The four people hanging out at Hag's are not happy to see you show up at all. Sit down, be quiet and keep to yourself.
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Centerfolds Cabaret
702 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9226
Arrive at this strip club early to avoid the cover charge and take advantage of two-for-one drinks. Arrive late to burn your whole paycheck in an hour. The asses on stage are, for the most part, young and sweet. Some are girls working their way through college, which is truly inspiring. Others are obviously so addicted to smack that it makes me more sad than horny.
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Charlie Brown's Bar
1828 Iowa Ave. | 715.394.5295
This neighborhood bar has a fucking "Beer Buffet" on Wednesday nights. The cost is $5 for "unlimited tap beer" from 6pm to 9pm. I recommend lining the inside of a duffle bag with a leak-proof bladder and taking some to go. One thing you should know about Charlie Brown's, which I learned from a Vietnam veteran, is this: Charlie is the enemy. We must defend the bar against him.
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TJ Champion's Lounge
715 Belknap St. | 715.392.5341
Champ's has the distinction of being the first bar I ever wrote a review about, back in 1999. My opinion hasn't changed one bit.
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China Inn
15 Belknap St. | 715.392.3434
This little Szechuan and Cantonese food joint is three times as large on the inside as it appears to be on the outside. There is a limited beer and wine menu and, for some reason, there was a drawing to win a gas grill the last time I was there.
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C's Lounge
1419 Banks Ave. | 715.392.6730
The tap special at C's Lounge in Superior is 65-cent mugs of Busch -- all day, all night. This is information to be treasured.
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Choo-Choo Bar
5002 E. Third St. | 715.398.3788
Though this place is built out of a railroad car, it's still little more than a neighborhood hangout. Nonetheless, if you stay there long enough, the car actually seems to move.
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Dugout Lounge
1318 Tower Ave. | 715.394.3361
The Dugout is by far the least annoying sports bar in the region.
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Eagles Aerie 80
1710 N. 12th St. | 715-392-6560 | www.foe80.org
This club is as nest-like as it's name. Enjoy the "late-night happy hour" from 10 p.m. to midnight and watch your mouth around Wes. Limit 141 persons.
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East End Tavern
2114 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.7076
"In the heart of Old Town," the East End Tavern is a spot where you can always find about five guys listening to Black Sabbath and talking about something you can't relate to.
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Eddie's World Famous Ribs
5221 E. Fourth St. | 715.398.0191
Eddie's ribs are only slightly more world famous than Frankie's karaoke. I mean, there aren't many people in Paraguay, for example, ranting and raving about the place. But Eddie's is indeed famous in Superior, and deservedly so. You'll find it tucked away in the Itasca neighborhood, just a few blocks off the beaten path of the Choo-Choo Bar.
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Elbo Room
1309 Tower Ave. | 715.392.6292
This is the perfect place to meet that special someone you are cheating on your spouse with. It's a quiet bar that is no place to act up, but a fine place to load up. Bring your appetite, Sammy's Pizza restaurant is attached. Stick with the pizza, however. The rest of the menu isn't so special.
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The Flame Nightclub
1612 Tower Ave. | 715.395.0101
This new gay bar has the best name ever.
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Frankie's Tavern
1310 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1646
Most people who go to Frankie's go there for the karaoke. I go there because it is the only bar in the region that sells both leather clothing and swords.
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Goodsports Bar & Grill
2827 Oakes Ave.
Goodsports closed recently amid rumors that staff members were stealing from the owner. The place has reportedly been sold to a bunch of clowns who want to make something resembling another Ace's on First out of it, even going so far as to call it Ace’s on 29th. But this Ace's will feature a mix of charburgers, volleyball, dancing and banquets. I can hardly wait to hold my next Amway meeting there.
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Gronk's Grill & Bar
4909 E. Second St. | 715.398.0333
There's something about the name "Gronk's" that sounds like it's a corporate-owned chain. It's not. It's actually a pretty cool little family-owned burger joint. There's no wild drunken violence or nudity to keep me entertained, but other than that I have no complaints.
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Grizzly's Grill 'N' Saloon
3405 Tower Ave. | 715.392.5210 | www.grizzlysgrill.com
One of the many things I dislike about places like Grizzly's is that the bartender usually has a bunch of other jobs in addition to being bartender. And there is a double meaning to that sentence. First of all, the bartender should never be a hostess at the same time, no matter how slow the bar is. It may not interfere with the timely filling of a glass, but it will prevent the all-important fraternizing with the drunks, which is an important part of bartending. Second of all, bartenders should not be people who are moonlighting from their job as an elementary school teacher. Bartending is not a second job; it is a specialized skill. Thank you. End of rant.
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Guadalajara Mexican Restaurant
69 N. 28th St. E. | 715.392.2894
Located right next to the movie theaters in the Mariner Mall, right where you need it, is this perfect blend of Mexican and Superiorite culture. Ask Juan for a tall whiskey sour and, let me tell you amigo, you get a tall whiskey sour.
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Hacienda South
6428 Tower Ave. | 715.392.9960
Sloppy and smelly describes not only the bar itself, but also the regulars. Avoid it.
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Hammond Bar & Steak House
1402 N. Fifth St. | 715.392.3269
Often referred to as the "Hammered," this combination bar, restaurant and liquor store is the first drinking establishment you will see when you cross the Blatnik Bridge from Duluth. Keep going.
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High Fives on Fifth
1310 N. Fifth St. | Unlisted
From the ashes of the North Star Lounge comes this strange little bar, grill and liquor store. I think the weird guy next to me said drinking there is a lot like eating Swedish pancakes with a broken elbow. I don't know what that means, but I have to agree.
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Hudy's
2126 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.9905
I.Q. test: Find the men's room at Hudy's. On your mark, get set, go!
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Jack's Place
1923 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1994
The renovations to this bar completely changed its atmosphere. I think it's now officially too nice there for me to enjoy it.
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Jimmy's
1812 Iowa Ave. | 715.394.6403
This Billing's Park dive has cheap beer and a nice courtyard. Bounce back-and-forth between Jimmy's and Charlie Brown's and you'll have a fine day.
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Jo D's Corner Oasis
318 Tower Ave. | Unlisted
Yes, the former Tin Can Alley has reopened under a new name and new ownership. What makes it an oasis is hard to say. If this is an oasis, there's three on every block.
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Joe's Pagoda Chinese Restaurant & Bar
3223 Tower Ave. | 715.392.7141
This little bar, in a separate room off of the large restaurant, may have the chintziest happy-hour prices ever (save a whopping 25 cents!), but the atmosphere is perfectly dark and garrulous. The last time I was there, some guy named Bill won $22.50 in the "Wed. Nite drawing."
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JT's Bar & Grill
1506 N. Third St. | 715.394.2580 | www.jtsbarandgrill.net
The gay bar that tries to accommodate every need, JT's has DJ music, dancing, food, pool tables, dart boards and lots of lame-ass straight people thinking they're being adventurous. Guess which my favorite form of entertainment is?
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Keyport Lounge
1900 Belknap St. | 715.392.3377
The Keyport has evolved over the past two years into Superior's finest karaoke bar. Whether you're listening to some strange bearded man screech out "O Little Town of Bethlehem," or planning to take the stage yourself to sing "Sweet Child O' Mine" in the voice of Katherine Hepburn, the Keyport abides.
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La Belle
Tower Ave. | Unlisted
La Belle is the queen of Tower Avenue's maniacally cheap sleaze-pits. You can literally get drunk for pocket change at La Belle. And really, that's what we all want, isn't it? Even high-class intellectuals such as yourself go there.
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Lamplighter
628 Tower Ave. | 715.394.5149
The "Limplifter" can by summed up like this: It's a strip club, in which the strippers have to plug the jukebox to get their music. Seriously.
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Le Bistro
1409 Hammond Ave. | 715.399.3220
This fancy little French restaurant located in Superior's old jail has a tiny little bar with a half-dozen stools. I recommend getting totally annihilated here.
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Les Birds
5801 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9995
This is a generally fun karaoke bar full of middle-aged rowdies.
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Loading Zone
Parts Unknown | Number Unknown
If you can find this bar in the first place, and you show up on the right night, you could be treated to such sights as old men playing bloody knuckles, trashy couples slow-dancing to Def Leppard's "Love Bites," or a five-year-old boy sitting by himself playing Strip Club on the game computer. Generally though, you can't even find it, and if you do it will probably be a slow night anyway.
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Lord Stanley's
1015 Tower Ave. | 715.392.3925
Keeping with the tradition of constantly changing names, Lord Stanley's was recently known as Carignan's -- not to be confused with the old Carignan's, which changed it's name to Hall of Fame and then Odyssey's before the city denied its liquor license renewal, bought the building and tore it down. This is the other or more recent Carignan's that was briefly known as O2 before it was Carignan's and CC Tap before it was O2, and ... shit ... I think it was Willie's Pub before that. I'm getting fucken drunk just thinking about this. Anyway, the new name is obviously a reference to professional hockey's Stanley Cup, which means the sports bar trend is now narrowing its niche to individual sports. Wow.
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Lost in the '50s
1809 N. Third St. | 715.392.1855
This place isn't quite '50s enough for me. Instead of feeling like a modern bar full of 1950s memorabilia, or a genuine 1950s bar, it sort of feels like a 1970s bar with 1950s memorabilia.
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Main Club
1217 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1756 | www.mainclubsuperior.com
A comfortable setting for the gay regulars, but an uncomfortable one for the new meat. Limit 319 persons.
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Mama's Bar
1019 Ogden Ave. | 715.394.3004
It's a lot more romantic to just stand outside this bar and imagine what it might be like inside than to actually go in.
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Mr. B's
2223 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.5408
Hang out by the pay phone. That's where the action is.
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Mr. Lucky's Bar & Billiards
1022 Tower Ave. | 715.395.9789
Mr. Lucky's is one big-ass billiard joint. If you want to play pool while getting drunk, go somewhere else. If you want to get drunk while playing pool, go to Lucky's.
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Norm's Beer and Brats
1901 Broadway St. | 715.394-9689 | www.normsbeerandbrats.com
What a sad fall from grace. From 1996-'99, Norm's was one of my favorite spots. The rubber toys, the large mugs and mason jars of booze, the blonde female bar staff ... those were the days. These days, every dickhead college guy you want to avoid hangs out there, and everything comes in a plastic cup. They've even hired a few male bartenders. At least I have my memories. Barely.
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Office Bar
2128 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.7536
Located in Superior's East End, next door to the ancient radio store with the coolest marquee ever, the Office serves up pitchers of middle-of-the-road beer for $4.50. That's good enough for me.
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Old Town Restaurant & Lounge
2215 E. Second St. | 715.398.7792
It's like hanging out with the people at the Head of the Lakes Fair, only indoors. Lots of 40-year-old guys with combs in their back pockets. The mirror behind the bar is too high to see yourself while sitting, so you might see a guy stand up to comb his hair and remark, "You got to stand up to pretty up."
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O'Neill's Pub
3333 Tower Ave. | 715.392.7388
O'Neill's has moved out of its strip mall location and into a freestanding building formerly occupied by a Wendy's restaurant. That may not sound like much of an improvement, but believe me, it is. On the outside, it does look quite a bit like a Wendy's, but on the inside it doesn't. O'Neill's used to be the only Irish Pub in the world that didn't carry Guinness. Not any more. And they have a fucking drive-through liquor store. This is the 2007's most improved bar.
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The Palace
1108 Tower Ave. | 715.394.4205
The Palace is once again the Palace after a brief stint as Odyssey's Rock & Roll Cafe Sport Emporium. It's sort of like when your girlfriend breaks up with you to fuck some really ugly dude, but then comes back to you. It's just not the same anymore. Limit 126 persons.
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President's Bar
3824 E. Second St. | 715.398.6001
President's Bar has no pictures of presidents, no wall of stars and stripes or any other form of patriotic propaganda. The bar is in no way interesting, but its accompanying liquor store is a great pit stop on the way to gettin' ripped at Wisconsin Point -- something our forefathers certainly would have saluted.
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Schultz's Sports Bar
1307 N. Fifth St. | 715.394.7332
Schultz's really frustrates me because I can't get the freakin' football cards out of the table top.
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The Shack
3301 Belknap St. | 715.392.9836 | www.shackonline.com
The tiny bar connected to the Shack Smokehouse & Grill serves alcohol and has a TV, but that's about all it offers. If your spouse is really annoying, you may find this to be a far more expensive, far less comfortable alternative to your own living room, and if so, you have my sympathy.
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Shamrock Tavern
5825 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9913
The pizza at the Shamrock is outstanding, which helps me do what I do best: drink lots. I would go to the Shamrock every day, but the cost of the cab ride back to Duluth from South Superior forces me to only allow myself to get utterly shamrocked every St. Patrick's Day.
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Shooter's Saloon
624 Tower Ave. | 715.392.6660
The only country/western bar around is unfortunately a bit more Garth Brooksy than George Jonesy, but the line dancers are cute to watch.
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Smithy's Bar
3823 E. Second St. | 715.398.6015
Bor-ing. Bor-ing. Bor-ing.
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Stargate
619 Tower Ave. | 715.395.2222 | www.stargatenightclub.com
For decades, the old Cove Cabaret was considered by many to be the skankiest place in town, and was rumored to be the center for all manner of criminal and amoral activity. Then Stargate moved in across the street and took away all the Cove's business.
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Striker's
1906 Broadway St. | 715.392.3663
Just look in the window. That's all you need to do.
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Third Base Bar
1218 Tower Ave. | 715.392.4535
Long known as the Locker Room, the Third Base recently abandoned its old moniker in order to … um … I guess confuse longtime customers. There seems to be no other reason to have changed one unimaginative sports bar name to another, since everything else there seems to be the same. Twelve TVs line the walls and two daiquiri machines spin girlie drinks behind the bar, but what you need to know is that pints of tap beer are $1 on Wednesdays, all day.
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Temple Bar
1807 N. 11 St. | 715.392.6400
This frequently renamed bar has managed to hold the name Temple for a couple of years now. That's about all it's managed to do that I've noticed. Limit 86 persons.
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Thirsty Pagan Brewing
1623 Broadway St. | 715.394.2500 | www.thirstypaganbrewing.com
The former Twin Ports Brewing Co. is under new ownership and a new name. Not much has changed, except for the increased frequency of short hairs sticking to the rim my pint glasses. I'm kind of freaked out about that. Limit 98 persons.
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Tower Avenue Tavern
411 Tower Ave. | unlisted
The former Molly's is under new ownership and has been significantly remodeled. All of the bullshit drama that went down at Molly's on a regular basis is gone, which is a shame. It seems quite unlikely that anyone will get shot at Tower Avenue Tavern, and how boring is that? Limit 108 persons.
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Tyomies
601 Tower Ave. | 715-392-1197
Back with a full liquor license in 2004 after some haggling with the city council, Tyomies continues to offer one of the best men's rooms of any bar in Superior. I could piss a river in that place.
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Viking Lounge & Liquor Store
1501 N Fifth St. | 715.392.3994
One of my favorite Superior bars, the Viking, will close at the end of 2008. For now, there's still time to feed the fish.
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Who's Bar
1114 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7084
Who's bar is it? Well, that guy in the corner who looks like a fatter version of hippie magician Doug Henning would be my pick. Who's is a classic Superior bar, with mediocre prices and nothing interesting happening inside. Limit 92 persons.
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Windjammer Lounge
300 Marina Drive | 715.392.7152 | www.barkersislandinn.com
There's not much happening at this bar inside Barker's Island Inn Resort and Conference Center, but they have good chip dip. Limit 112 persons.
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