tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:21:55 +0000http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/slim.htmnoreply@blogger.com (Barrett)Blogger145125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-3971131806157065314Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:12:00 +00002008-06-29T18:21:55.542-05:00Have all you motherfucking patriotic cheesedicks got your economic stimulus checks from the IRS yet? That’s valuable drinking money, you know. While a few misguided Duluthians might use that free cashola to pay down their massive credit-card debt or save up to fix their sewer lines, the rest of us know what it’s really for: top-shelf liquor. And so I walk into the Fitger’s Brewery Complex with http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/06/gettin-ripped-at-baja-billys.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-2056731859275890795Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:08:00 +00002008-06-04T09:18:17.712-05:00If there’s one thing I hate about being sober it’s how polite I become. Here I am, standing next to the cash register at the Chinese Garden, waiting for a fucken waitress to come over and choose a table for me. This wouldn’t happen if I were drunk. Obviously, if had any spirits in me at all, my choice would be to flop into the closest available booth, even if someone else is sitting there. http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/06/gettin-ripped-at-chinese-garden.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-7082558343353284400Thu, 08 May 2008 03:19:00 +00002008-06-04T09:19:53.591-05:00If you’ve ever wondered where all the nimbys who live in Duluth’s painfully dry Lakeside neighborhood go to get their drink on, all you need to do is step into Grandma’s Saloon & Grill in Canal Park to get your answer. Because tonight it seems every middle-aged Duluth Pack sweatshirt-wearing caketown dickslap has hopped into his Dodge Grand Caravan and soberly chosen to head to the tourist http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/05/gettin-ripped-at-grandmas-saloon-grill.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-605077685602339894Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:46:00 +00002008-05-07T22:23:45.882-05:00Aside from the waitress, the bartender, and the middle-aged guy in the corner sending text messages to his prepubescent girlfriend, I’m the only one at Hell’s Kitchen tonight over the age of 23. The people at the bar are just above the drinking age. Everyone sitting down and eating is obviously still in high school. Even the bartender is questionable in this respect. As I climb onto my stool, he’http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/04/gettin-ripped-at-hells-kitchen.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-7612830982497099072Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:54:00 +00002008-05-07T22:24:45.237-05:00Like everyone else in town, I normally wouldn’t bother going to Kegler’s Bar & Grill. I know the mixed drinks contain almost no alcohol and the beer tastes skunky. I know there are less than five patrons here at any given time, unless there’s some horrible banquet going on. And I know that no one has ever — ever in all my days — told me about the wild night they had at Kegler’s. I remember http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/03/gettin-ripped-at-keglers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-2931866092612205040Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:50:00 +00002008-05-07T22:25:30.841-05:00It’s Friday afternoon happy hour at Hero’s, and I have everything I need. The bartender, who goes by the name of Whiskey Dick, poured me a drink that seems to be about 60 percent booze. I’ve also got a Styrofoam bowl full of Pizza Man pizza, which the bar has provided for free. A hi-def TV is pumping out random garbage with crystal clarity. Most importantly, aside from the small group of office http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/02/gettin-ripped-at-heros.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-8540724899366024757Sat, 26 Jan 2008 19:25:00 +00002008-02-08T12:07:44.836-06:00Back before Minnesota’s smoking ban, you could really smell the nicotine at the Alpine Bar and Lounge. It wasn’t even close to being the smokiest bar in town, but it was smoky. Tonight, for some reason, it smells like cleaning products in here. The frustrating part is, it’s not powerful enough to get me high. It’s just a faint, annoying, lemon-fresh scent. It’s not the kind of thing I expect, or http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2008/01/gettin-ripped-at-alpine-bar.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Barrett)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-1864324942414971317Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:17:00 +00002008-02-08T12:08:48.379-06:00 Big Lips has the method down. Every 10 minutes or so, he rises from where he’s been sitting alone at a table in the corner. Then, with his hands casually in the pockets of his camouflage jacket, he simply takes a little stroll, puckering his big fat lips and whistling as he looks to the left and to the right and behind him, making sure that no one is videotaping him or that his wife isn’t http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/12/gettin-ripped-at-norshor-experience.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-4597824551211145078Sat, 24 Nov 2007 00:03:00 +00002007-12-19T11:30:31.496-06:00It takes a certain type of person to go to Old Chicago on a Friday night. With over 150 bars in the Twin Ports, deciding to drink at a chain restaurant in Canal Park takes a very special kind of personality. And by “special” I mean “retarded.” As I take a seat at the bar, sandwiched in between a guy in his 40s wearing a baseball cap, and another guy in his 40s wearing a baseball cap, I try to http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/11/gettin-ripped-at-old-chicago.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-364171073557477805Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:02:00 +00002007-12-19T11:31:02.940-06:00There’s something strange in the air tonight at R.T. Quinlan’s Saloon. It’s called oxygen. Minnesota’s statewide ban on smoking in workplaces took effect on Oct. 1, and now people like me, who indeed consider bars to be “workplaces,” can breathe easier. As a result, I intend to work even harder now, starting with this gin and tonic. Although I’m likely to live longer and need to spend less http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/10/gettin-ripped-smoke-free.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-5303922571312489763Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:36:00 +00002007-10-21T22:13:04.000-05:00 I am beaming with gay pride tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to engage in a sex act with another man — at least, not on purpose — no, I’m beaming with pride that this little Superior bar seems to be hosting a Rip Taylor tribute show, and I’m right smack in the middle of it. Actually, it’s the Annual Drag Show Fundraiser, the final event — the climax, if you will — of Gay http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/09/gettin-ripped-at-main-club.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-5239027924837104502Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:58:00 +00002007-10-21T22:19:21.017-05:00[Original publication date: August 20, 2007] Author's note: Shortly after the night this was written, I returned to the Copasetic to discover operational toilets and actual barstools. I think it was close to a year ago when I first noticed the Copasetic Lounge on Central Entrance. Opening a bar right next door to Taco John’s, I thought, is nothing short of genius. A sign said, “Coming Soon,http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/08/gettin-ripped-at-copasetic-lounge.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Barrett)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-2439827051629430814Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:01:00 +00002007-10-21T22:20:30.888-05:00There is only one bar in the Twin Ports that has a miniature golf course alongside it. And it’s a miniature golf course that, as long as you are sober enough to find your balls and putters, you can play for free. This is the kind of giving back to the community that makes Striker’s Bar a shining example of American entrepreneurialism. Located on the corner of Broadway Street and Banks Avenue http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/07/gettin-ripped-at-strikers-ba.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-3643248606333923777Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:52:00 +00002007-10-21T22:21:28.218-05:00Aside from the 9-year-old girl standing next to me, I am by far the youngest person in the Sheraton Hotel Duluth bar. Truth be told, it’s hard to say where the bar ends and the lobby begins, although I’d guess that the cozy couch molding perfectly to my drunken ass is more in the lobby than the bar, but no one’s keeping track. Well, except two or three of the bluehairs pouring Metamucil into http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/07/gettin-ripped-at-sheraton-hotel-duluth.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-4780322900900882944Mon, 04 Jun 2007 18:47:00 +00002007-10-21T22:27:47.005-05:00[Original publication date: June 4, 2007] Author's note: Looking back on this night, I fondly recall that while I was at this ultimate fighting party where everyone kept their cool, there was a brawl going on at the NorShor Experience in Duluth, complete with knife play and a fleeing vehicle rolling into a ravine. The Steel Brewing Co. of Fort Worth, Texas, makes a “high gravity lager” called http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/06/gettin-ripped-at-tower-avenue-tavern.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-8401014739532188014Tue, 08 May 2007 13:28:00 +00002007-10-21T22:33:57.799-05:00So, some goofy fucker decided to have his 50th birthday party at Carmody Irish Pub, and about 250 people showed up. I don’t know how many of these people are friends and relatives of the birthday boy and how many are part of the general public, but there’s barely any room for me to stand in here. It seems there is so much fun going on, it just might suck. As soon as I find a spot to stand in http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/05/gettin-ripped-at-carmody-irish-pub.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-117607645396624275Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:50:00 +00002007-05-08T08:40:35.792-05:00I’m not shitting you when I say that the bartop at Bergey’s looks like the top of my mom’s kitchen table. The effect is amplified by the fact that the bar comes up to the middle of my chest. So when I’m sitting there feeling diminutive, watching The Andy Griffith Show on the television set and drinking a cheap glass of Old Style, I realize my life hasn’t changed one bit since I was 8 years old. http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/04/gettin-ripped-at-bergeys.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-117356394208748484Sat, 10 Mar 2007 21:56:00 +00002007-05-08T08:41:23.504-05:00In the Great State of Minnesota, to be a drinker is to be a thinker. With puritanical blue laws restricting the sale of liquor past 10 p.m. and on Sundays, one has to plan ahead. To estimate the amount of alcohol that will be required in a given day or a given weekend — figuring in the amount of money available, and getting the booze supply high enough to accommodate surprise guests or emotional http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/03/gettin-ripped-in-blizzard.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-117087968996153116Wed, 07 Feb 2007 20:17:00 +00002007-03-10T16:02:45.170-06:00Like the word “Christian,” the word “pagan” makes me vaguely uncomfortable. It’s not that I don’t want to think about the gods when I’m drinking; it’s that I don’t want to think about bearded guys in wool stocking caps who smell like a sheepdog. Unfortunately, as I walk into Thirsty Pagan Brewing, it’s difficult to think of anything else. The TPB, located on the corner of Broadway Street and http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/02/gettin-ripped-at-thirsty-pagan-brewing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-116873147348344906Sat, 13 Jan 2007 23:33:00 +00002007-03-10T16:03:09.840-06:00I’m not even inside the Choo-Choo Bar when I hear the thuds and beats of Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous” coming through the walls. And it’s weird as hell, because this isn’t a dance-bar or a gay-bar. The Choo-Choo is a bar-bar, and the only “clubbing” that could possibly happen inside would probably involve a pool cue and an unfaithful husband. Located just off Highway 2/53, in the Itasca http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2007/01/gettin-ripped-at-choo-choo-bar.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-116639418178170371Sun, 17 Dec 2006 22:19:00 +00002008-05-10T17:18:25.131-05:00[original publication date: December 18, 2006] It isn’t easy to find an open barstool at Olive Garden. I’ve been standing here about five minutes, waiting with all the other desperate, groveling dipwads who thought it would be a good idea to go to a popular chain restaurant near Duluth’s Miller Hill Mall during peak holiday shopping. We’re all watching the little round, plastic pagers the http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2006/12/gettin-ripped-at-olive-garden.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-116380156305991219Fri, 17 Nov 2006 22:10:00 +00002008-05-10T17:13:02.833-05:00[original publication date: November 20, 2006] Have you noticed that Builder’s Saloon and Stargate Nightclub have more security on staff than the Duluth International Airport? All I have to do to get on an airplane is take off my shoes and walk through a metal detector. But to get a drink in this former warehouse in Superior requires conquering a goddamn obstacle course. I’m barely inside the http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2006/11/gettin-ripped-at-builders-saloon.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-116160808284457995Mon, 23 Oct 2006 12:49:00 +00002008-05-10T17:11:56.875-05:00[original publication date: October 23, 2006] With the crisp, bitter winds of autumn swirling the night air around like a drawer full of butcher knives, I find myself indoors tonight, relaxed by the fireside. My soft, cozy chair cradles my supple buttocks as I stretch out below the dim lamp and read Prayers and Devotions: 365 Daily Meditations by Pope John Paul II. If you think I’m at home, http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2006/10/gettin-ripped-at-dubhlinn-pub.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-115927979445576688Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:06:00 +00002008-05-10T16:58:41.220-05:00[original publication date: September 25, 2006] “An Escape Limousine,” reads the graphic on each of the two Humvee limos in front of Frankie’s tonight. It’s gotta be some kind of party, I think to myself, if people think they might need to escape from it, and in a limousine at that. Out of all the beautiful options Tower Avenue has to offer, surely this has to be the best of the lot. But oh, http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2006/09/gettin-ripped-at-frankies-tavern_26.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645571.post-115643521844484224Thu, 24 Aug 2006 15:58:00 +00002008-05-10T16:54:13.955-05:00[original publication date: August 28, 2006] Author's note: Two months after this article was written, the Palace Theater was demolished. The Palace Bar, however, is still in business. Years ago, when I was still cutting my beer teeth, the Phallus was my favorite place to get my drink on. Pitchers of Killian’s went for three bucks, pool was practically free, and a dollar got you five songs on http://www.slimgoodbuzz.com/columns/2006/08/gettin-ripped-at-palace-bar.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Paul)